Learning to have compassion....

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One of the hardest things to accept about my husband's illness is his lack of insight into it. I'm sure that if his kidneys malfunctioned he would accept treatment. If he had heart disease, I'm convinced he would seek medical help. The brain, also being an organ, can, and does malfunction. However, he is convinced that he is perfectly fine and that the problem is everyone else. His thought process is so affected that he is unable to see the drastic change in his behavior and personality that is so obvious to all his friends and family. Because of his paranoia and delusional thinking toward others, it is impossible to reason with him.

Another difficult aspect of this illness for me is learning to have compassion for him. He has hurt me so deeply by his words and actions. Yes, I know that when he is emotionally abusive toward me it is the illness speaking, because that behavior would be completely out of character for the person that I have been married to for 10 years. Despite the fact that I know his illness is causing him to treat me like his worst enemy, it hurts me and has nearly destroyed me, to the point that I had to escape to save my own mental health.

I pray for him daily. I ask the Lord to give him strength to endure the torment he is going through. I ask for wisdom in how to speak to him when we do speak. I ask for compassion for him, even when he tears me apart with his words and actions.

I am fighting an uphill battle. My family is shattered and I have my own wounds to deal with. But I want to understand him, I want to treat him fairly and with compassion.

Ok, so I just started this blog yesterday, and I don't have any readers yet. But if you happen to stumble upon this, please, I would love to hear your comments. Do you have a loved one who is mentally ill? Or are you dealing with mental illness? Please, share your insights.